hmmmm

Well it is April 11th 2008 and my last blog was February 13.  Talk about major life change happening in a measly two months.  February 13th was one of the last days of normal health.  It was only a few days later that lightheadedness and chest pains took over my life.  Even as I write this blog, chest pains and lightheadedness are ever present.  To be honest, it has been frustrating.  Many days of fear and doubt, many days of tears and prayers, many days of sickness and weakness all combined together.  Through it all I have cried out for God more over the last eight weeks then maybe in my entire life.  I know because of His Word that He is here and present, but I still want healing and deliverance.  He IS bringing it but my patience is running low.  He promises to protect us with His Angels, to be present with us til the end of time, to answer us when we ask questions, to give us the power and authority over sickness and over the enemy.  I know all of this and am experiencing this but I am still feeling empty and frustrated.

There has been a light in the middle of all of this.  God has been present and is close to my heart. Another light has been how He is using Laura to help me understand more and more what it means to be present.   Laura has been amazingly patient through this time and even though relationships are extremely difficult, I have been blessed to have her near me through all of this.  It has been one of the most encouraging and stretching relationships of my life and it is a good thing to be with her.  

I just hold on to Psalm 91 and Luke 10 and 11.  If you have time read them.  One thing I have learned through this and continue to learn is that when we suffer we are much more in tune with the suffering of others.  When I pray for people I can much more deeply feel their pain and pray powerful authoritative prayers over them.  I got to pray for an old friend and a new friend over the past few weeks and both times I knew for a moment that the Kingdom of Heaven came down and collided with us.  It is a great feeling to ask the Lord to bring His Kingdom on someone else and then to watch it happen in front of your eyes.  

What does all this mean?  I really have no clue!  I am not in control, I have no idea what my future holds, but God is my Father who desires good for me and loves me...I have nothing else but Him.  I know this dependence on Him is supposed to be good but it does not feel very good.

I guess more blogs will come...thanks for reading and praying and until next time...sleep well!